Let's Get Real
Happy Thursday, friends. This week feels like it's gone by in the blink of an eye. Anyone else feel like June is happening way too fast? I can't believe we're ALMOST HALFWAY TO CHRISTMAS (hahaha, I had to) !!!
I'm already feeling a lot of uncomfortability (that's a word, right?) as I begin this post. I knew when I started this one, I wanted it to be different. A lil more vulnerable. Hence the title: Let's Get Real.
I wanted to write about this because, obviously it's kinda scary, but I also believe there's a message in this that some people may need to hear.
So let's get real for a sec. Let's talk about being single.
I'm a twenty-something, still pretty fresh outta college. Down here in the good ole South, it's a pretty normal thing for girls like me to be married already. In fact, some would say I should have been married a year and a half ago. Let's all take a moment to LOL.
I've talked to countless close friends and mentors about this heaviness on my heart. And all of them, in some way/shape/form, respond with, "I know you're struggling, but just remember that God's timing is perfect", "the right one will come along", or "it will happen when you stop trying". Granted-- those are all super great responses. I do believe they speak truth. But do they change anything about the way I'm feeling or the circumstance I find myself in? Not really.
I've been praying a lot recently about what it means to be patient and wait for The Lord. I've felt this stirring in my heart for the last couple of months, and honestly, it's been the weirdest thing trying to figure out what it means. It's such a tricky thing to pray through. "Jesus, I know you know the desires of my heart, and I trust Your plan" but also "Jesus, You know the desires of my heart, and I don't understand why you're not granting them".
Here's what I do know, though:
There is transformation in the waiting. Not just for me. But for whoever my future partner is. He's changing too. And one day, we're both gonna be where we're supposed to be, and it's gonna be the coolest freakin thing. I'm so excited for that day. Does it suck to be patient? Absolutely. But the way my heart is growing and shaping is so much better.
I shouldn't have the mindset that my singleness is my fault. I spoke to someone a few weeks ago, and she asked me why I thought I was still single. I shared my heart, and after I finished, she goes, "Wait, do you think this is your fault?" and all I could respond with was, "Woah. I guess I do."
BUT FRIENDS, this isn't your fault. Every time one of your grandparents ask you if you're seeing anyone yet, and you say "no", don't let that turn into a feeling of guilt or sadness. Subconsciously, I've been doing that for years. And now I've finally realized that it's just a simple "no". It doesn't mean you're not putting yourself out there enough, you're not trying hard enough, or you're not putting in enough effort. It just means your time hasn't come. And that's so okay.
You just gonna keep doin' what you're doin'.
I can't change my circumstances. The longing in my heart is there for a reason, but it's gonna be fulfilled at the right time. Not just when I decide I really want a relationship. Like hellooooooo, that's a two-way street, sister. How is it so easy for me to forget that?
I may have no control over these circumstances, but I do have control over how I live through them. What better way for me to seek comfort in the present, than to take my frustration and channel it into my trust in Jesus? (did that make any sense?) Instead of sitting and doing nothing about the way I'm feeling, I want to sit and listen. I want to listen to whatever The Lord is trying to whisper to me. I feel so sure that there's a stirring in my heart, and if I'm running around trying to do all these things that I think will give me answers, I'm totally missing the message. I want to be still. I want to be content with where I am, with the present.
So whyyy in da world did I just write all this? I'm not sharing this so all you married folks can comment, letting me know how much you loved being single in your twenties (although, I really am so happy for you, yasss). I'm not sharing this so y'all can be "praying for my singleness" (I just cringed typing that out, by the way). I don't want this to sound like a cry for help. I honestly just hope that those who feel the same find it encouraging, no matter if you're 22 or 30 or any age, really. I want this to be an encouragement to be praying for your future spouse. An encouragement to be drawing as close to The Lord as possible. Because the farther we are from Him, the faaarrrrthher we are from ever being able to share our heart with someone else, ya know? And I'm tryna have a full heart before I try to start pouring into someone else's.
I don't know what I'm expecting to come from this. But I think there's so much power in vulnerability, and I feel like me being vulnerable about this is something I just wanna do. My girl, Brené Brown, says "Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy - the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light." SO HERE WE GO.
Here's me. Shining a lil light and hoping that it comforts someone. If any of you ever want to talk more about this or share your heart, I'd love to listen.
Gonna go get a snack now, peace out.